You might remember from an earlier post a brief comment about the beheading of one of Amanda's dolls. Yes. Abbey had bitten the head off of the "Prince Aden" doll. The only thing more disturbing than that is that I know the name of the victim. I have never played with dolls. Boys don't do that. We play with "Action Figures". Guys-come on. Given the choice- Ken, or Eagle Eye GI Joe with karate chop action? Or the Steve Austin action figure with bionic arm and bionic vision? I suppose that Ken could have made the cut if they had put him in a flak jacket and helmet- oh! and they would've had to wipe that girlie man look from his face. I believe most of my action figures have long since washed into the James River, to join their cousins Luke, Darth Vader, Chewie and Han. If only I had known then how valuable they'd be today!
Since I've been home more often these past months, I have been subjected to every "Barbie" movie ever made. I haven't watched them, except in passing ( I sit down with a bowl of popcorn and watch every second, is that what you wanted to hear?), however I do hear most of the dialog and music. When the girls are singing the songs, I know the words. When they are watching the movie, I know what scene is coming up just from the dialogue. Most disturbing, I know the characters better than the girls do. In fact, we were sitting at the table one time and the girls were talking about a movie and were mixing up the names of the characters and, in an unthinking moment, I spoke up and gave them the correct names. This earned me a few odd looks. I immediately realized the greatness of my error and went out to the garage to run something through the tablesaw. Didn't build anything, just needed the reassurance.
I tell the girls all the time, "Don't leave your toys on the floor!" Once there, they're in Abby's world and they will be chewed up. Abby has not failed in her mission. So far, I believe that she has mauled many pairs of socks, at least one shoe, and a confirmed 3 Barbie dolls. The first was "Jane Doe Barbie" ( I don't know what her name was- she was never in any movies I was aware of), followed by "Esmarelda Barbie" from Disney's "Hunchback of Notre Dame" (she might not be an actual Barbie doll, but she's close enough), and finally the "Prince Aden-Barbie's Accessory" doll. I actually thought that was too bad, as Prince Aden was probably the most manly of the Barbie men as portrayed in the movies. If I had my pick the "Prince Louie" doll would've bought it. He had to be the most girlie of the girlie-men,Yet his cousin Philippe was rather nasty- given his voice was none other than Tim Curry. He does creepy so well. Just watch Barbie and the Three Musketeers" and you'll know what I mean. Thankfully we don't have the two twin brothers from "Barbie and the Diamond Castle". They were just pathetically annoying. Again, you'd have to witness it to appreciate it.
Since I've been home more often these past months, I have been subjected to every "Barbie" movie ever made. I haven't watched them, except in passing ( I sit down with a bowl of popcorn and watch every second, is that what you wanted to hear?), however I do hear most of the dialog and music. When the girls are singing the songs, I know the words. When they are watching the movie, I know what scene is coming up just from the dialogue. Most disturbing, I know the characters better than the girls do. In fact, we were sitting at the table one time and the girls were talking about a movie and were mixing up the names of the characters and, in an unthinking moment, I spoke up and gave them the correct names. This earned me a few odd looks. I immediately realized the greatness of my error and went out to the garage to run something through the tablesaw. Didn't build anything, just needed the reassurance.
I tell the girls all the time, "Don't leave your toys on the floor!" Once there, they're in Abby's world and they will be chewed up. Abby has not failed in her mission. So far, I believe that she has mauled many pairs of socks, at least one shoe, and a confirmed 3 Barbie dolls. The first was "Jane Doe Barbie" ( I don't know what her name was- she was never in any movies I was aware of), followed by "Esmarelda Barbie" from Disney's "Hunchback of Notre Dame" (she might not be an actual Barbie doll, but she's close enough), and finally the "Prince Aden-Barbie's Accessory" doll. I actually thought that was too bad, as Prince Aden was probably the most manly of the Barbie men as portrayed in the movies. If I had my pick the "Prince Louie" doll would've bought it. He had to be the most girlie of the girlie-men,Yet his cousin Philippe was rather nasty- given his voice was none other than Tim Curry. He does creepy so well. Just watch Barbie and the Three Musketeers" and you'll know what I mean. Thankfully we don't have the two twin brothers from "Barbie and the Diamond Castle". They were just pathetically annoying. Again, you'd have to witness it to appreciate it.
The Aussinator seems to be intent on eliminating all dolls into which she can sink her teeth. I think she is collecting heads, and possibly stringing them into a macabre collar. I can just see the little Barbie man faces, with their docile smiles staring from their place around Abby's neck. Possibly we will find the heads mounted on pencils lining the path to Abby's lair. To be honest, I don't think Abbey has a lair. The closest thing she has to a lair has to be under my bed. I'll have to check.
Another girlie man down! Love the hair, dude!
Oh come on!!! For real?!!!!!
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That's when you know you have arrived. One day I'll have my own action figure. You just wait and see. Until then, I must go. "Barbie's Swan Lake" is just starting. Just kidding. I'm headed out to fit a door to a frame. Really. I am out to do some power tool intensive labor.
4 comments:
You should buy the Obama doll and let the dog tear it up!!!!!!!!
Oooooh! Now there's an idea!! Do you think the Secret Service will show up and take her away for threatening the President? Unfortunately, even his doll costs more than it's worth.
love you Edward, too funny. And just so you know, you are not less of a man for having to watch girlie things.
Dang it, Kathryn and I had the same idea.
Have you ever seen the Navy Seal Ken Doll...he might be manly, but might have that same smile.
This post cracked me up!
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