Episode 7: The TicketMaster

The TicketMaster. That is my new name. I don't know how I do it, but in the last year I have managed to get more tickets than I have over the previous 37 (did I say that? I meant 25-yes, 25 is a good number) years of my life. Last Thanksgiving, I managed to get pulled over by a State Trooper. I didn't know why he was after me, but I knew it had to be me because I was the only person on the highway!! Apparently I had failed to come to a complete and total stop at the stop sign before turning onto the highway. I don't make it a policy to argue with The Man, so I didn't point out that I had to stop before turning onto the highway. As I recall, I stopped, took my foot off the brake, and then turned, seeing as there was no other car in sight- except for the Trooper who was so far away I could only tell that he was a moving vehicle. It was a very brief stop, yes, but I did stop. He was so far away that it was a little more than a minute after the turn that he caught up to me. I blame my capture on the fact that I was doing the speed limit. But enough of that. Ancient history. I paid the $30.00 fine and the associated $45.00 processing fee. Of course, since that time I have stopped at every stop sign and made sure that it was for a noticeable period of time. I know that I have been able to do this successfully due to the number of tailing drivers who honk their horns to let me know I am preventing them from running the stop sign themselves. I once had a city transit bus honk it's horn at every single stop sign. I was in downtown Richmond and went through six or seven blocks of 4-way stops. I received a honk for every stop I made! I thought I was running through them pretty quickly. I was stopping long enough to make sure there were no law enforcement vehicles in stealth mode, waiting for me to slip up. You know the bus would've broken the speed limit, run the signs-without coming to a complete stop- and there would've been no flashing lights in sight. Me? Well, let's just say that due to previous experience I'm extra cautious.

I am a careful driver. I use cruise control so I don't thoughtlessly drive in excess of the posted speed. I take an extra second at the stop lights and stop signs before I continue on. Every police car I pass is tracked in my rearview to make sure they aren't coming after me. When they do pull up behind me, I wonder if I've been doing anything that might result in another roadside discussion. I'm ok most of the time, however I admit I am a little paranoid.

Enter today's episode. I am about 3 minutes from my house. I am going the speed limit. I am at a stoplight waiting for it to turn green so I can turn into my neighborhood. I notice a police car pulling up behind me in the rear view mirror. The lights aren't on, so I think that maybe I'm ok, but the car seems to be holding back a little bit, so I figure they are running my plates, or something. I haven't hit any banks, run any toll booths, or kidnapped anyone recently (like-never!!), so I'm not too worried. The light turns green, I turn onto the street, and the lights come on. So now I'm wondering what the heck I could've done to deserve this. I turn off the car, roll down the window and put my hands on the steering wheel. From what I remember from my Criminal Justice courses (taken a million years ago when I wanted to be a cop) it's always a good idea to show your hands. The officer walks up and informs me that they pulled me over for my tinting. I had no clue what she was talking about. I thought she said "tenting". I was wondering if I had somehow left a tarp hanging out of my trunk. She must have noticed the idiotic look I gave her, because she tapped my rear window and said "your window tinting. Have you ever been in trouble for this before?" I must confess that I have not. I have owned this car since June of 1999, and I have never been pulled for this. The car has passed two annual Virginia safety inspections and it has never come up. Of course, I'm feeling like quite the hardened criminal as the officer explains that they have a "Zero Tolerance" policy, but since they have a lot of people that have moved in from out of state they are having a special, where I can take my car in and have a legal tint put on (at my expense, of course) and then I can go to court, where the judge might then waive the $51.00 fine and the associated $15.00 processing fee (which made a heck of a lot more sense than the last fine and processing fee). The officer puts a "reader" on my window which shows that the tint is too dark, and explains that the reading must be higher than 50%. Mine is at 22%. I have to say, the officer was very polite and helpful in answering my questions, but it sure would have been nice to know this sooner!! I bought the car this way. Who knew?

I'm afraid that I have developed a driving complex. I may be seeking professional help in the near future. At least I haven't been ticketed for a really serious offense. Although I might feel better about it if it were serious. Ok. That's just sad.

Look for me on the evening news.